My mom got this coffee mug for me last Christmas. “When life goes to pieces, make a quilt.” I love this mug because it combine two of my favorite things: coffee and quilting. I don’t know how many of you know this about me, but I really enjoy quilting. I make 4-6 baby quilts each year. It’s my artistic outlet, such as it is.
Here’s something else many of you don’t know: I struggle with bipolar depression. I don’t really know how it’s different from regular depression, except that it seems to be more pervasive and deeper at times.
It’s hard to be a counselor who has depression. It’s hard to be a Christian who has depression. It’s really hard to be a missionary-in-training and have depression. There are lots of expectations associated with all of those. I should be happier. I should be more settled. I should be more hopeful. I should be more excited. I’ve learned that, really, the biggest thing I should be is honest.
If I’m honest, things are a little tough right now. We are getting ready to move for the second time in two months. The house we’ve been renting has been sold. It’s unsettling to have this looming over us again. While we don’t have the same attachments to this house as we did our last one, it had been a good little place. And I hate the idea of having to pack everything up again. It makes me sad and anxious and tired just thinking about it.
Instead of getting back in bed like I want to, I’m quilting. It’s relaxing, and it helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something. As I’m working, I’ve been thinking about Jesus’s words in Matthew 6:25-34 about not worrying about tomorrow. I struggle with releasing my worries, but I do know that it will all work out. God is putting people and situations in place to help, and I have to rely on that. Lord knows I can’t do it on my own.
So I’m quilting, literally and figuratively. Life feels a little fragmented and piecey right now, but I know that eventually I’ll get to see the full quilt in all it’s splendor.